Moore Is Unsure

Hannibal Lecter's Diets;
Try eating thinner people..

one day moore saw a cow in the field, he thought he was looking at a mirror
oooooh
one day moore saw his mother in a field beside a cow. he thought it was a cow looking in a mirror
oooooooooh
aw forget it.

THE ADVENTURES OF MY ROBOT AUNT IN THE COSMIC EVERGLADES

MORNING, INTERIOR OF ROBOT AUNTS BEDROOM: ROBOT AUNT AWAKES AND SPIES A PIECE OF PIE

ROBOT AUNT : I WISH I WAS HUMAN AND I WOULD EAT THE PIE BUT I AM NOT, WOE IS ME

ROBOT AUNT WALKS ROBOTICALLY INTO THE KITCHEN. NED PASCALE THE LOCAL MECHANIC AND ROBOT MAKER IS IN THE KITCHEN EATING A TASTY GUMBO. HE IS THE ONE WHO MADE ROBOT AUNT TO PRESERVE HER BRAIN WHICH CONTAINS THE LOCATION OF THE GOLDEN HATCHET OF THE INCA GOD JODSU

NED PASCALE : DONT BE A FUSSIN, ROBOT AUNT, I HAVE MADE YOU SOME DELICIOUS BOILED OIL WHICH YOU WILL NOW DRINK TO READY TO FIGHT CRIME

ROBOT AUNT : WHY MUST I FIGHT CRIME IN THE EVERGLADES, NED?

NED PASCALE : BECAUSE I AM TOO OLD AND INFIRM AND MUST RELY ON YOU TO CLEAN UP THESE GATOR RIDDEN PADDY FIELDS

ROBOT AUNT : THIS DOES NOT COMPUTE

NED PASCALE : AND WHY SHOULD IT, ONLY YOUR BRAIN IS STILL HUMAN

ROBOT AUNT : LIKE ROBOCOB?

NED PASCALE : NO. HE WAS A ROBOT COP. YOU ARE A ROBOT AUNT, YOUR FIGHTING STYLE IS MORE GOAL BASED RATHER THAN MEATING OUT VAGUE FORMS OF DESTRUCTION FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF A DUMB AUDIENCE

ROBOT AUNT : I THOUGHT I WAS A GOOD FILM

NED PASCALE : ME TOO, ROBOT AUNT BUT NOT EXACTLY THE RIGHT TEMPLATE TO BASE A ROBOT CRIME FIGHTING CAREER ON, ESPICALLY IF YOU LIVE IN THE EVERGLADES

ROBOT AUNT : TRUE (DRINKS BOILING OIL) - AH VROOM VROOM THAT IS MUCH BETTER.

next on robot aunt : fighting crime.

christmas was invented by chris de burgh in the eighties because he needed a suitable holiday to wrap around an amazing song he had created called "a spaceman came travelling" he might have written it about jeebu's birthday but he could not resist paying homage to himself.

its late. I'm sorry.

you might be asking how i got so damn smart lately well, I started reading books. its a slow process and my finger gets sore tracing the words as i read them but here are some reviews of what i've gotten through so far...

1. Sherlock Holmes and the lack of forensic evidence by arthur conan doyle: Holmes faces his toughest crime yet; a visiting Russian princess found strangled in an alleyway with no other evidence left to unmask her killer. The rope used leaves no threads and the bruises on her neck bear no distinctive weave that can be used to even get the ball rolling. There are no items of interest dropped in the struggle and the nights rain has washed away anything else of possible value. Left without anything to run with, Holmes makes a rubbish excuse and returns to his opium addicition. At three pages long its an underwhelming read and shows that Conan Doyle was probably growing bored with his famous creation at this point.

2. The Maeve Binchy Code by Maeve Binchy : John and Finoula find an ancient manuscript that details how to bring about the end of the world whilst looking for a Jamie Oliver cookbook in Johns tumbledown mansion that he inherited along with a load of handy subplots that would keep a boring novel trundling along for 500 pages. They decide to sell it on ebay to raise money for restores to the mansion and hopefully have enough left over for Finoula to open a little bistro in the village. While a war between the forces of good and evil over the destiny of humanity rages around them, John and Finoula feel a dreary romantic attraction build and get into all sorts of cringy misunderstandings. The tagline for this book is "who cares about the apocalypse; I don’t want to be a spinster so give me a kiss". This book filled me with rage, gave me headaches and made me want to drink bleach just so that i might go blind and then if i did I'd probably cut my own fingers off in case I learned Braille and one day accidentally read the book again. Also considering what to do in case I got it on audio book. Sickening. Just when i was starting to take Feminism seriously this comes along and wham! they’re back where they started.

3. Apache Pizza Take Away Menu by Anon : This is the most intense pamphlet I've read in a while, bristling with tension and stomach cramps as the eye is treated to a waltz of text and image. I ordered a wagon wheel with EVERRRYTHING. This is best read while you eat your pizza so you can both feed and fantasize about what you want on your next pizza. Beat that Maeve Binchy.