Moore Is Unsure

no no no no no no no no no no no no there's no limit
That was a song on the radio. It also had a bit where some lad said Techno Techno Techno Techno Techno which was related in some way to being without limits. Pretty far out concepts. Perhaps TOO far out.

Went to see my psychologist, Dr. Hans Sandwich, today.
I don't think the therapy is working because I am still unsure about a massive number of things. There was little encouragement when Hans informed me that he had hypnotized me during our last session and then made me paint his living room. He had to tell me this because his wife noticed afterwards that the painting was done very badly and that several expensive items had gone missing.
I then understood why I had found a load of silver cutlery and jewellery in my pockets when I got home that evening. I didn't tell him though, I just said all I remembered was regressing and uncovering a few confusing childhood memories.
He believed me of course but now I don’t know which is worse, the fact that my shrink did something completely unethical to me or that when I am under hypnosis, my inner Knacker runs free and unrestrained....

scummy mummy wins because she's not afraid to give or take a punch or two.
and yummy mummy is now a dummy mummy because she got a few too many
punches to the head.

Some more things I have been getting sick with lately

1. Seahorse Syndrome
-You're brain randomly switches you from being right handed to being left handed or vice versa, it is very difficult as it often strikes when I am filling out forms in the unemployment assistance office. Seahorse Syndrome is a side effect of illness number 2
2. The Wibbly Wobbley Wonders
-A feeling not unlike being very, very drunk. The condition is caused by drinking untill you feel very, very drunk.
3. Grandmothers Fancy
-Cravings for denture adhesive paste. I suck it straight out of the tube. This illness is caused by not having enough money to buy food after a week drinking and being forced to eat whatever you can find in the house you've broken into.
4. Leaky Elbow
-Caused by a small parasite from the Congo who blocks up blood vessels in the elbow making it all fat and spongy and bloody. I have no idea how the hell I contracted this particular sickness.
5. The Morning Trumpets
- Farting endlessly for an hour after you wake in the morning. Occurs after a particularly heavy dose of illness number 2

I beat up a blind man today and stole his guide dog. This is because I was drunk at the time and did not want to pay for a taxi home.
The dog led me to the blind mans house where I made myself comfortable and slept off my alcoholic rage after punching several holes in the wall with the hammer I carry on me at all times. I was awoken a few hours later by the sound of the blind man returning to the house with the help of the police so I ran off through the back yard leaving a trail of puke behind me. I'm hoping they don't have a CSI team who are smart enough to do experiments on it so it can be used as evidence in one of the many court cases I have pending.
When I got back to my real house my girlfriend was trying to cook pasta using only the power of her mind. I’m not sure but I think she was being sarcastic because I spent the electricity bill money on drink and they disconnected us last week. I told her to cheer up and vomited on the floor, telling her she could either clean it or eat it. I slept for a few more hours afterwards and never did follow up with her on what her final decision was.
Come to think of it I’m not sure if she even is my girlfriend – I mean she was in the house when I bought it so I sort of assumed....But who cares as long as she buys her own pasta.

I’ve to go to work tomorrow but I think I was fired on Friday - or was I? I was deffo told to get out by my boss. I’ll call in tomorrow morning and if things are looking bad I’ll just alert him to the fact that I carry a hammer on me at all times and that should put me back on track.