Moore Is Unsure

I beat up a blind man today and stole his guide dog. This is because I was drunk at the time and did not want to pay for a taxi home.
The dog led me to the blind mans house where I made myself comfortable and slept off my alcoholic rage after punching several holes in the wall with the hammer I carry on me at all times. I was awoken a few hours later by the sound of the blind man returning to the house with the help of the police so I ran off through the back yard leaving a trail of puke behind me. I'm hoping they don't have a CSI team who are smart enough to do experiments on it so it can be used as evidence in one of the many court cases I have pending.
When I got back to my real house my girlfriend was trying to cook pasta using only the power of her mind. I’m not sure but I think she was being sarcastic because I spent the electricity bill money on drink and they disconnected us last week. I told her to cheer up and vomited on the floor, telling her she could either clean it or eat it. I slept for a few more hours afterwards and never did follow up with her on what her final decision was.
Come to think of it I’m not sure if she even is my girlfriend – I mean she was in the house when I bought it so I sort of assumed....But who cares as long as she buys her own pasta.

I’ve to go to work tomorrow but I think I was fired on Friday - or was I? I was deffo told to get out by my boss. I’ll call in tomorrow morning and if things are looking bad I’ll just alert him to the fact that I carry a hammer on me at all times and that should put me back on track.