Moore Is Unsure

Yet again I was pinned to the floor by mary harney and she was a top of me and she was laughin and it was awful but great at the same time and i think mary coughlin walked in on us and mary was like "here, mary come on over and join the action like" and she was throwin off her auld three piece TK MAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX businesswomans suit and leapin in, legs akimbo. Then i realized I saw brian cowen pointin and laughin at me and i woke up screamin

Labels: Hungry for the schlaps

Moores Recession Beaters 

Labels: FIGHTIN

burger face burger face with a face like a burger but where are the baps
you guessed it!
burger face burger face she buying hammers and several yards of burlap
where is she going what will she do, the weekend commin soon
she gonna wrap that burlap all around her studio apartment
and sleep till noon on sunday

Labels: burgur face

Me Fat Frier is broke. I know better than to start up a chip pan because I burned down the house a few weeks ago when i put three on, went for a shite and forgot about them and of course the missus destroyed herself when she spilt one over herself there last year, she's still bloody cryin about it so I threw it into a bag and brought it down to the electrical shop. Apparently Harvey Norman are too good for that sort of thing with their big televisions and gimpy see through hoovers and I was told that the oil drippin out of the bag was a health and fvkin safety hazard so I had to bring it home again. I took an old kettle apart and threw the element into the bottom of it and let her rip. It's sorta workin if I dont touch the thing because the whole frier is live now and I got a couple of nasty shocks off it. I had me black pudding and burger fried combo for dinner this evenin and I couldnt be happier.

Labels: a tub of youghurt with some chewy shite in a corner of it that you tip in to the youghurt.

HELLO THERE
TONIGHTS HEADLINES



ROSCOMMON FARMERS HEAD EXPLODES AFTER TRYING TO COMPREHEND COMPETING IN A GLOBAL MARKETPLACE

WOMAN IN CLARE CHASED BY BEAR

UNLUCKY BOY CATCHES POTATO BLIGHT

SHOUTIN' AND ROARIN' FROM YOUR TRACTOR NO WAY TO PICK UP WOMEN CLAIMS SHOCKING NEW IFA STUDY

GETTIN THE WIFE TO FIGURE IT OUT; USING WIVES TO DEAL WITH THE OUTSIDE WORLD

MUTTON REPORT

ALL THAT AND MUCH MORE ON FARMING NEWS WITH ME, STEVE DIRE AND MY TOUPÉ OF TRUTH, TONIGHT ON TUR-FM

Labels: do the locomotion with MEH

I fell asleep with the fire full of coal which might have spat onto the carpet and started it
I fell asleep with a lit cigarette in my hand which might have rolled off me belly and onto a dry patch of carpet and started it
I left three chip pans unattended in the kitchen and that might have started it
I had put a piece of tinfoil in for a blown fuse in the plug for the tv and that might have started it
all i know is that i slept through it and am in hospital now for smoke inhalation,
they say i must have sweat so much i created a natural shield that protected me from the flames, that and all the soaked in beer and piss in the carpet and couch surrounding me created a natural fire retardant. Now i got to find somewhere else to live. Shite.

Labels: GET OUT OF THE DUNCLE

Some day, while feverishly rifling through newspapers like the fat clown out of 'A Beautiful Mind', there's gonna be a headline like this and I'm going have a hernia laughing. I don't know what a hernia is so I'll probably live with the pain of a hernia (?) for quite a while before seeking medical attention. By the time I do this I will most likely have forgotten how hard I laughed at the headline and will frown vaguely when the doctor quizzes me as to how the pain came about. This will result in more delays until eventually I become septic.

Who would have thought one mans filthy quest for knowledge could bring about so much death and destruction?

Christmas 2008 is commin so heres the round up of rubbish christmas cracker jokes I was workin on


If you want to win at the world stuttering contest, you'll need alot of Stammerna



do chinese vampiers use fang shui

Axle Rose opening a Chinese restaurent called 'sweet and sour child of mine'